Monday, January 6, 2014

Short Stories & Such: Killing Your Best Friend's Wife, Draft 3

There was a writing prompt from Writer’s Digest titled: Killing Your Best Friend’s Wife. You had to write about how the character confronted the victim and how the murder played out. Here is my third attempt at it…

Killing Your Best Friend’s Wife

Harry’s not the kind of close friend one lets down. His idea of a good time was playing chess with the boss’s daughter, frosting in mind. His wife Patty, on the other hand, was innocent as a fawn chewing green pasture in the middle of hunting season. Harry couldn’t afford to have her anymore. He had gotten too big.

Harry wanted Victor’s help in killing her.

To Harry’s expectation, Victor agreed without hesitation- not because he disliked his wife, but because she’s the only person who knew Victor’s deepest and darkest secret that could ruin his life forever. The truth of him committing credit card fraud, hijacking cars, and being part of a business computer hacking didn’t amount to that particular secret: participating in her best friend’s suicide attempt.

Harry got all of the materials ready for the big day. He had it all figured out, too. Victor was to pick Patty from the airport, since she travelled to visit her mother out of state. Then, Victor was to deliver a demise to which she would not return.

When the big day arrived, Victor did not hurry to his destination. He first had to imagine Patty dead and remove any small grain of pity from his heart. He envisioned his fingers around her swan neck while he puffed a smoke.  

“Hi, Victor,” Patty put her bags down and gave Victor a quick hug. Little did she know it would be the last attempt to save herself.

“Hi, Patty,” Victor reached down for the bags and placed them in the trunk of the car. “Sorry your husband couldn’t make it.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure he is far too busy at the office.” She brushed some loose hair from her face, “But I’m glad someone took the time to come.”

In the freeway, Victor pictured Patty’s bulging eyes and pale cheeks.

“You know, Vic, you don’t have to just drive on account of Harry. He might be a little bossy, busy, and ungrateful for all you do, but I’m not. I can see how much you have helped him…”

Throughout the trip, Patty did most of the talking. Even when Victor took the wrong exit, she talked, probably due to nervousness. And when Victor pulled into a deserted gas station, locked her side of the door, and placed his leather gloves on, she stuttered.

“What are you doing, Vic?” Clutching her mother's necklace, tears streamed down Patty’s eyes.

Victor placed some drops on a handkerchief, “Don’t take this the wrong way…” and he smothered her mouth with it.

Patty struggled to break free, but Victor was too strong for her petite body.

“There,” Victor licked her cheek.

She shrieked and Victor pressed again until she was motionless.

Victor caressed her face and smoothed out her fine brown hair.

“Won’t Harry be proud?”


The original story was written for November 29, 2011. You can view the unrevised version here:


No comments:

Post a Comment